I’m going to start this list by saying what any mature woman already knows: there’s no such thing as “the one.” You know, “the one” you dreamt of when you were in high school — the guy who had artfully messy hair and strummed the guitar outside your bedroom windows. In fact, that guy would just annoy the stuffing right out of you if he showed up on your doorstep today.
The fact is, there are plenty of Jesus fish in the sea. As long as one on your reel meets most of these criteria, you can be safe in thinking he might be right for you:
- He’s proactive. You’ve got your own things going on. No one has to tell you that it’s important to be in the Word on a regular basis. No one has to make sure you pay your bills on time. No one has to remind you to have regular dental cleanings. Your man should be no different! If he’s not able to structure his own life and make time for the things that matter, that’s a major red flag.
- He has interests (beyond you). Having hobbies is a sign that a man is comfortable with who he is. (And it goes without saying that playing countless hours of X-box doesn’t count.) Does he love hiking? Is he really into old movies? Does he enjoy traveling/cooking/rock collecting? Awesome! Those are indicators that he has a pulse, a personality, and passion. Bonus points if you two share many mutual interests!
- He loves his church. A man who is committed to and invested in his church is definitely a keeper. This is not to be confused with a guy who simply shows up on Sunday mornings.
- He’s providing for himself. The traditional 9-5 job is quickly fading in the rearview mirror. I’m not saying a guy needs a desk job and a 401k. But it’s a mark of maturity to be able to make ends meet. A man who can’t pay his bills and save a little on the side doesn’t have his ducks in a row—at least not yet. If your man is still moonlighting as a DJ or freelance writer, don’t write him off. It may take some time for him to get situated. But if he has no game plan for long-term financial stability, he’s not planning for a future.
- You are your best self around him. It’s easy to list all the qualities you want in a man. But at the end of the day, all you’ll succeed in doing is assembling another dream guy to replace the old one. One surefire sign that he’s a good man is that he draws out the good woman in you.
- You have chemistry. This one gets a bad rap from the more pious Christians among us. But let’s be real, here: He wants to feel a spark just as much as you do. It’s nothing to feel guilty about, so long as it’s not the only thing going well in your relationship.
- He loves his mom and respects his dad. No parent-child relationship is perfect. But it’s a very good sign if your man has a healthy relationship with his parents (so far as that’s up to him).
- He challenges you to grow. A man who is in it for the long run knows that it’s important to invest in your growth. Does your man encourage you to go deeper with Christ? Does he care about your dreams and your calling? If so, hang on to him.
- He’ll call you out. It’s a sign of intimacy if a man can call you out lovingly. It shows that he cares about your character more than keeping things comfortable.
- He delights in you (and you delight in him). The couples who last are the ones who can retain that sparkle in their eyes, even when they’ve weathered the hard stuff. If he can look at you with tenderness in his eyes after an enormous fight—if he still reaches for your hand when you’re giving him the silent treatment—that’s a man who has grace in Spades.
Mia Mauss is a veteran writer and editor. She’s a
dabbler, a coffee hoarder, and a dangler of modifiers. She is married to
a writer-turned-pastor who never picks his socks up off the floor no
matter how many times he is asked. She enjoys answering the endless
litany of “whys” asked by her three impish children. She frequently
writes about herself in the third person. She sometimes dusts off the
blog at www.miamauss.com.
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